


Blackbird

by iam_spock (FanficbyLee)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, McSpirk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-05 05:11:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanficbyLee/pseuds/iam_spock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a follow up to Five Years Gone,  Jim has been MIA for five years and suddenly returns. It’s a painful verse, but my partners like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blackbird

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Senket](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Senket/gifts).



> "Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
> Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
> All your life  
> You were only waiting for this moment to arise.”
> 
> The Beatles

It had been three days since he’d walked back into our lives. I hadn’t slept. I could not. I was afraid that if I closed my eyes that I’d wake to discover it was a dream that Jim had come back to us. Leonard had tried the same argument to drink enough coffee to make him bleed brown, but I’d finally convinced him to sleep. To crawl into bed and curl up next to our t’hy’la that way the three of us would feel safe.

Jim was broken. His shoulder was pressed against my leg as I sat at the head end of the bed with my PADD laying across my lap. I couldn’t focus to read. Every time I tried to stop watching him breathe and twitch in his sleep, he’d make another noise, snapping my attention back. I wanted to touch him, to hold him, but I was afraid. His shoulder was scarred by burns, the skin shiny where it had healed wrong, and there were other scars above and below the skin. His very soul was shattered.

Leonard had given me a list of the injuries he’d been able to spot with his well-trained eyes. Jim hadn’t wanted to be scanned, and while I could understand him not wanting to worry us it added a layer of separation between us that hurt. I could feel that he wanted to trust us, but he was afraid. Jim was afraid of the same thing as we were—that this wasn’t real.

The first day had been spent hovering, touching and hovering more. Leonard constantly tried to feed Jim, because he had lost too much weight. I couldn’t stop looking at his eyes—they were the wrong color—stained brown by some back world alley doctor to hide his identity. Jim Kirk’s electric blue eyes were too well known for him to escape with them.

Then there had been the fight when Jim refused to go to Starfleet Medical or any other type of hospital no matter how much Leonard insisted. Their words of anger coming so soon after the bittersweet joy of our reunion made me ache.

I wanted to meld with him, to share minds and hearts as we had before he’d been taken five years ago, but there was a wall in place that I couldn’t brush aside. Jim had walled himself off, and that was like a knife twisting through me. He let us touch him and hold him, but he wouldn’t let my mind touch his. It was like he was a stranger to me.

“You’re thinking too loud, Spock,” Jim said, he looked up at me with one dark brown eye, through raggedly cut hair that was much too long. This eye worked. The other didn’t.

“I am sorry,” I replied, keeping my voice low, so as not to wake Leonard. I was grateful that he was sleeping, since I could not take Jim somewhere private to talk without hurting his feelings. “I am trying to figure out how to…” Fix things? Fix him? It would be insulting for me to say that out loud.

“Give it time,” he mumbled. “Can’t explain all of it—not yet.”

“I know.” I scooted down beneath the blankets after setting my PADD on the nightstand. The warmth of Jim’s body and the blankets soothed my ruffled feathers. Leonard and I had been so used to him sleeping between us that it took us months to learn not to leave him space, but we automatically left him enough now.

Was this easier for Leonard? He wasn’t a telepath. He was bonded with me—they both were— although the bond with Jim was more like spun sugar than steel now. “I cannot feel you the way I could before.”

Jim’s arm went around my waist under the blanket, and he pressed his lips to my side. “I know,” now it was his turn to say those words. “It’ll get better. Shit. There’s too much that I can’t talk about.”

“You do not need to talk,” I said, carding my fingers through his hair. “I could meld with you. You could show me.”

“So you can fix me?” His voice held an edge of anger, and his gaze had lost the sleepy relaxed look it had had. Now he was completely awake and ready to fight.

“So we can be together. I know that you are not ready to tell us everything, and that you may very well never be able to share it all.” I hoped that I could calm him. That my touch would remind him that I was there for him and that I was real. “I do not want to read your memories, t’hy’la. You know that I cannot see or feel what you do not want to share. I would never force you. But I am under the impression that some telepath did not have my morals.”

“Not now.” He tried to pull away from me, but he was caught beneath the blankets. His anger radiated from him, and I had to force myself to wrap my arms around him. My love, the man who carried a third of my soul was a broken bird, a feral kitten, and he snapped at me, warning me to let go. But I would not.

“I can wait.”

Besides us, Leonard grumbled and turned about on the bed. He’d gotten used to us being on leave and wasn’t as quick to wake up as he was when we were on Enterprise. His exhaustion ran deep as well. “Jim, Spock?”

“We are here,” I told him, reaching past Jim to fun my thumb over Leonard’s brow. “Go back to sleep. Jim is fine. We are just talking.”

“Doin’ it too loud. Go to sleep.”

“Yes, Leonard.” I still had my fingers curled around Jim’s wrist keeping him from leaving the bed. “We will go back to sleep.” It was a promise to Leonard. It was an order for Jim who glared at me with a familiar stubbornness that was good to see.

“Fine,” Jim said as he settled back between us. “What if I need to pee?”

“Do you need to pee?” I asked with a minute grin as Leonard wrapped himself around Jim.

“Not right now.”

“Shut up, Jim.” That was from Leonard. “Grownups talk when the sun is up, and I’ve had coffee. Both of you go the fuck to sleep now. No one needs to pee.”

When their breathing relaxed, and the snoring began again, I switched on my PADD, knowing damned well that I’d get no reading done while watching them sleep.


End file.
